Yes it’s okay to walk away from people over their Adoption biases
Many years ago I mentioned my desire to adopt to a colleague. I didn’t work with her everyday and met her rarely, but she came across as a sensible and kind person, so I felt comfortable sharing my thoughts about adoption. Her reaction surprised me. She told me that adoption wasn’t socially acceptable. I didn’t say anything. My brain couldn’t grasp how anyone could be so heartless about a vulnerable child getting a family. Would she rather have kids languishing in shelters, streets, or worse? She was a loving mother to a son; how could she be so cruel to other children?
I never met or talked to her again. I didn’t want someone in my life who would bring negativity towards adoption. I think she got the hint too; she never contacted me again. As unnerving as it was to suddenly lose a contact like this, it didn’t make any grand difference in my life. But more interesting stuff was yet to come.
After our daughters’ adoptions, a lot of love poured in from relatives, friends, colleagues, teachers, doctors, and even strangers. A well intentioned society made their transition into a new life easier. However, I also noticed the cold reception my daughters received from some relatives. Subtle but consistent odd behaviours that indicated an intentional bias. I realised that it was time to step away from another set of people. But this time, breaking up is not easy. I have a history with these relatives, so I have to step away bit-by-bit, evaluating each move, and keeping my daughters out of any undesirable situations. Here’s the thing though: it’s doable.
During adoption conversations, people frequently mention being worried about a relative’s or a friend’s behaviour towards their future child. When I suggest that walking away or breaking up from this person is an option, I mostly get ‘are you insane’ looks. It’s unthinkable for most people. But I want you to know that it’s possible. That it may hurt but it is sometimes necessary. That it may seem earth-shattering in the short-term, but in the long-term, you will ensure a healthy environment for your child. We owe this to the children who we promised to protect and raise.
Here are all the articles and videos that I have created about adoption in India.